"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Have you ever feel like missing the old you, but you're scared that you're going to back to your old self? I have and I am. When I see some pictures from those good old days, it got me thinking "I used to do things that makes me happy". So I start to question myself, "Am I happy?". I always thought that making myself busy in tons of activities will make me enjoy my life (you know, coz everyone seems busy so why can't I?) and I realize, "I do enjoy my life and those activities". But the truth is, something missing and I'm not quite sure how to find it. After a long soul searching, I finally realize that I rarely feels happy nowadays. Those good old days sure looks brighter and I had tons of fun as well. And this is the point where I missed the old me.
People told me that I changed (in a better way) and I feel that as well. I won't mention the transformation because I don't mean to brag (lol). But yeah, I've changed. The moment when I feel the emptiness, I just wanna do some of those old things that help me feel better. And so I did feel better, but just in the moment when I did that. What happen afterward? I feel stupid, guilty, ashamed and all of the worst possible feeling ever known. Soon after (a few second afterward) I've done that routine, I feel like all of the things that I've worked hard for the past few months is worthless. Because by the time I done the old routine I feel like I'm back to the square zero and all of the transformation is never exist.
And now, when this dilemma happen in my mind, I just feel stressed out and need a getaway. But the getaway I used to need is approaching me in a blink of an eye. I do need some getaway, but the option that available in the moment is the one that I've been avoided for the past few months. Maybe I will feel better when I do that, but I don't wanna betrayed the commitment that I've built in my head and heart for the second times. Learning from my mistake, I do know that I'm not that strong to avoid the temptation and I don't know how to but I really need to. But in the other hand, I do want get tempted.
So help me God! Help me to get through this temptation.
Have you ever feel like missing the old you, but you're scared that you're going to back to your old self? I have and I am. When I see some pictures from those good old days, it got me thinking "I used to do things that makes me happy". So I start to question myself, "Am I happy?". I always thought that making myself busy in tons of activities will make me enjoy my life (you know, coz everyone seems busy so why can't I?) and I realize, "I do enjoy my life and those activities". But the truth is, something missing and I'm not quite sure how to find it. After a long soul searching, I finally realize that I rarely feels happy nowadays. Those good old days sure looks brighter and I had tons of fun as well. And this is the point where I missed the old me.
People told me that I changed (in a better way) and I feel that as well. I won't mention the transformation because I don't mean to brag (lol). But yeah, I've changed. The moment when I feel the emptiness, I just wanna do some of those old things that help me feel better. And so I did feel better, but just in the moment when I did that. What happen afterward? I feel stupid, guilty, ashamed and all of the worst possible feeling ever known. Soon after (a few second afterward) I've done that routine, I feel like all of the things that I've worked hard for the past few months is worthless. Because by the time I done the old routine I feel like I'm back to the square zero and all of the transformation is never exist.
And now, when this dilemma happen in my mind, I just feel stressed out and need a getaway. But the getaway I used to need is approaching me in a blink of an eye. I do need some getaway, but the option that available in the moment is the one that I've been avoided for the past few months. Maybe I will feel better when I do that, but I don't wanna betrayed the commitment that I've built in my head and heart for the second times. Learning from my mistake, I do know that I'm not that strong to avoid the temptation and I don't know how to but I really need to. But in the other hand, I do want get tempted.
So help me God! Help me to get through this temptation.
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2 comments:
what are the old things
well the old things is too personal to discuss.
xo
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